Happy Halloween! If you're anything like me, the first 10 minutes of Dario Argento's Suspiria will make your nipples stand up at attention and say "BOO!" Take a gander below at the ludicrously over-the-top screen caps of one of my all time favorite horror movies. The sets, cinematography, and lighting (not to mention the gore) are saturated and lurid to the extreme. The whole look of the film has a nightmarish 70's high fashion coked-up Technicolor art nouveau vibe which I love. And the ever present soundtrack of clattering metal and witchy shrieks by the aptly named Goblin will stay lodged in your head like an ice pick.

Hello, police? I'd like to report a robbery. Kelly Wearstler and Jonathan Adler have been stealing interior design ideas from me. No, I'm not drunk.

Who farted?

Peekaboo!

Define "back seat driver." I was just trying to be helpful. And if you don't stop talking on your cell phone I'm going to unravel that turban and strangle you with it.

So what if I look like Sally Field's less attractive half sister.

I'm really having second thoughts about etching my windows with this art deco motif. And where the fuck is my hair dryer?

Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Stop crying and open the damn door. There's a witch out here!

This looks like a typical gathering at my house.

I'm no expert on accessorizing, but I think the peacock sculpture might be one accent too many.

The next time you're at the flea market keep an eye out for cheap old maps from the 50's, 60's, and 70's. You know, the kind your dad would keep in the glove compartment and never be able to fold up again. Buy them for pennies and keep them on hand for all of your gift wrapping needs. Tie a bow with some hardware store twine and you're good to go. It's butch, it's green, and it will make you, The Gifter, look creative and thoughtful.

"Perfect Rainy Day" illustration for Handsome Devil Press by Jason O'Malley

It's no secret that I love The Smiths. The evidence is all over my house, my greeting card company (Handsome Devil Press is named after a Smiths B-side), and my hair (I've been known to pomade my pompadour to Morrisseyesque heights on special occasions). The Queen is Dead is their masterpiece and the Cover Me blog has compiled this clever selection of covers of each song on the album that is sure to tickle the ear holes of any Smiths devotee:

The Ukrainians - The Queen Is Dead
Technically, this is not “The Queen Is Dead,” but rather “Koroleva Ne Pomerla.” Yep, that band name is no cute moniker. This bit Eastern European choral-punk (a new genre?) stomps and swings like whirling dervish chanting channeled through Sid Vicious.

Cursive - Frankly, Mr. Shankly
This one goes from grunge to lounge to hard rock…and that’s just the first 45 seconds! It’s like ten covers in one, utilizing drum pounds here, cello screeches there, indie goodness everywhere!

Pale Sunday - I Know It's Over
You’re not quite sure whether to bang your head or try some flamenco moves in this one (I think the woodblock is the culprit here). Above it all hovers that haunting melody, accusing as much as it pities.

Billy Bragg - Never Had No One Ever
Bragg has never been known for his singing, but on the quiet strummer his lazy drawl’s search for the tune hits you straight in the chest. This one comes off The Smiths Is Dead, another full-album tribute worth getting.

The Very Most - Cemetry Gates
In this live one from the fine folks at archive.org, The Very Most prove that an acoustic guitar and tambourine are all one needs to accompany Morrissey’s unusual lyrics and catchy melody. When he wrote this one, Keats, Yates, and Wilde were all on his side.

Matteo Scumaci - Bigmouth Strikes Again
Subtle guitar plucking complements Matteo’s Italian accent, carrying him gently along as he sings oh-so-sweetly about bludgeoning his woman toothless. Morrissey always was a romantic.

J Mascis - The Boy with the Thorn in His Side
There are a lot of covers of this one, including one by Jeff Buckley that suffers from shaky recording quickly. Not so here, as the Dinosaur Jr. frontman slashes at his acoustic guitar while he snarls like he’s got a couple thorns in him himself.

Damage Done By Worms - Vicar in a Tutu
The phenomenal band name covers a “psychobilly” acoustic punk band like the Violent Femmes with an Eastern European accent. The saloon piano solo in the middle sounds like the soundtrack to a Quentin Tarantino barroom brawl.

Nada Surf - There Is a Light That Never Goes Out
So many covers of this one stay so close to the original, I set out to find one that did something drastically different. I found several, all of which terrible. When covering a perfect song, sometimes not straying too far can be good advice.

Supergrass - Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others
Fellow Brits Supergrass built the alternative rock up to distortion-punk hollers. Some songs are bigger than others too, and this one is bloody enormous.

Download the entire The Queen is Dead Cover collection at Cover Me (click the song titles for the free mp3 download).

P.S. Although I like the breezy Pale Sunday version of "I Know It's Over", I far prefer the heartbreakingly beautiful cover by Jeff Buckley. Morrissey, please return the favor by covering Jeff Buckley's haunting version of Hallelujah in your own inimitable style on your next album.

I love the color gray.

Or grey.

Whichever you prefer. It's modern, It's classic; It's contemporary, It's traditional.

It's the ultimate neutral.

Beige or tan (or taupe or bone or cream or khaki) is far too boring and outdated to be the neutral that ties your interior decor together. Those shades are bland and non-descript; they say "I'm safe, because everything goes with me". Not gray...it says "I'm the color of chic, and not only do I go with everything, but I make everything around me look better!"

Gray makes the loudest noise in small doses. Accessories in gray can infuse some serious attitude and a design kick-in-the-ass. So, to inaugurate my "11 Things" series, I'd like to share eleven things that I think you should know about and where to get them (some of my favorite sources, by the way!) - all in shades of gray.

1. Bangkok Gourd Vase by Blissliving, available at Bobby Berk Home.
2. Jonathan Adler's Tangiers Pillow from his namesake store.
3. Simple Votive Holders, but a little more striking in a deep gray glass, from Brocade Home.
4. The best thing you can do for your floors is FLOR, and this new pattern, The Best Of Both Wools, at their site.
5. Kartell's Papyrus Chairs are their latest seating masterpieces, and can be found at Hive Modern.
6. From my favorite modern light shop is the Stamen Modern Pendant - all hand blown - at Niche Modern.
7. Wallpaper isn't for everyone....but if you want to go there, Flavor Paper's Vapor is a fresh take, at Walnut Wallpaper.
8. Sometimes, simple says everything, and this Simple Felt Basket at DWR is perfect for that catch-all we all need.
9. These Terrazzo Urn Lamps are great to tie classic and modern elements in a room together, at PIeces.
10. It's a stool, a table, a nightstand, a stepladder...whatever you want! Gus' Steel Cube at Mod Decor.
11. Natural Curiosities VIntage Poster let's you segregate at home, from Tonic Home.

Please welcome our latest columnist to The Rural Modernist fold, Joe Armenia from Campagna Home. He will be weighing in on his latest design obsessions, tips, and finds on a regular basis and I couldn't be happier since it means less work for me.

I've made no secret of my affection/addiction the the delectable online sample sale that is Gilt Groupe. Well, now they're offering the same members only treatment for deals on chic hotels, villas, and cruise ships around the world. Jetsetter is a private online community dedicated to providing its members with access to the places they want to go. I'm packing my Jack Spade bags already.

CLICK IT, DON'T LICK IT:

It's invitation only, so sign up today and plan your next getaway. Jetsetter.com

The name of this snazzy new product could also be a title for a 70's era porno film: Linda Lovelace starring in Woolly Pockets! XXX! Yeah, that's just the way my mind works. Straight into the gutter. Anywho, check out these groovy soft-sided nests for growing plants. They love to hang on walls and bring life to any vertical surface in your home. Because Woolly Pockets are modular, they look great on their own and in groups, indoors and out. And judging by their promotional photos, they work well in nudist colonies where woolly pockets of all persuasions are always on display. Just keep them trimmed and well watered. Ok. I'll stop now.

CLICK IT, DON'T LICK IT:

Head over to Woolly Pockets and take a peep around. They're sure to turn your sugar walls green.

Editor's Note: Bonus points to anyone who leaves a cleverly dirty double entendre-laden comment!

If there is one thing I hate in home design, it's people who are afraid to paint.

Let it be sung from the mountaintops: basic flat contractor-grade white paint (whether in a brand new home or in a fresh rental) is absolutely unacceptable. Yes, white is a color - in fact, it is ALL colors - that is smart for home design; however, the right white will make or break everything else in the room. When you move somewhere new, chances are good you will get that basic chalky white that scuffs easily and has absolutely no sheen and no temperature. If you must have a white-walled space, paint that drab wall with a good, bright white, as fast as you can.

On the other end of the spectrum, there are those who know that there are literally thousands of whites. And that can be overwhelming. But it needn't be. Here is the absolute easiest guide to finding your perfect white. Remember these 4 hues - they are all you will need to know (all colors are by the granddaddy of paint, Benjamin Moore):

1. Super White: This is a bright, clean white. This white is most reactive to the light in the room and will take on the tint of the furnishings in the room. It instantly adapts it's temperature based on it's environment. Think of an art gallery.
2. Dove White: This white has an ever-so-slight hint of gray. It's just enough to temper the brightness, and works really well in spaces that get a lot of light, where Super White could be almost blinding.
3. Navajo White: This is a classic off-white. If you want a white room, but feel it is too stark for your surroundings and furnishings, this casts a decidedly warm glow. Suggestion: this looks amazing with Super White as your trim.
4. White Diamond: My current favorite! This is a very cool white, with the teensiest whisper of blue to it. This looks great with dark wood tones and metals, as well as almost anything you can buy at Design Within Reach or West Elm.

The right white is like having a cell phone or email......when you have it, you wonder how you lived without it. Trust.

And now you know!

Please welcome our latest columnist to The Rural Modernist fold,Joe Armenia from Campagna Home. He will be weighing in on his latest design obsessions, tips, and finds on a regular basis and I couldn't be happier since it means less work for me.