Put this one in the "Why Didn't I Think of That" file. I just discovered this genius blog the other day that aptly calls Dwell magazine onto the carpet (FLOR, no doubt) for their penchant for showing sour, dour, scowling thirty something hipsters sullenly moping around their multimillion dollar modernist homes. Even the children and pets look aloof and jaded. Well-designed modern environments bring me great joy, so I don't know what's wrong with these people. Turn those frowns upside down already. Here are some highlights from Unhappy Hipsters:

Still recovering from broken trust, neither wanted to be the first to try the eggs.

Even in your company, I feel so alone.

Eames, Aalto — her most significant relationships were with dead designers.

He tried to focus on the novel, and not how much his bedroom reminded him of a plywood coffin.

The Rural Modernist himself became an animal convert as an adult and actually penned a piece on this very subject with pets ensconced in George Nelson-esque pieces and other modernist delights. Modernica, fabulous purveyors of modernist furnishings, is seeking submissions of pets on modern furniture. Here's a chance for your pet to go to a place where they're not supposed to go and you may be handsomely rewarded. Now, really, are you sure you still want them off the furniture?

Please welcome our latest columnist to The Rural Modernist team: Carol VanderKloot of cvk ink. This childhood chum of mine specializes in media relations and communications for the design community, so she will surely be sharing scoops and insider information long before you read about it anywhere else.

Even though the name "iPad" conjures up visions of feminine hygiene, I still want one. Bad. Let's hope Apple can persuade Cathy Rigby to be the spokesperson. Here's the real intro video:

There are so many times when I see furniture and home decor items that move me. And when they are sleek, stylish and really make an artistic statement by their mere presence, the first word that springs to mind for me is "sexy". Like a Tom Ford perfume ad, or the shape of a Gaultier corset. No matter what the context is, it's just plain sexy.

I have just discovered this line of furniture by Peter Rolfe (yeah, those Germans are pigs!) that takes "sexy" to a whole new level. When I first saw the photos, I thought instantly of that episode of Nip/Tuck where one of the doctors is caught having sex with his couch.

I am sure someone will have that same idea with this line. These carved and layered wooden pieces represent male and female ideal body forms and are made incredibly well. As a designer, I don't know who in the hell I would suggest these pieces for, but you can be damn sure I will at some point!

I only have a couple of issues with these pieces. First, the nipples on the female dressers should actually be functional. I would love nothing more than to pull on a nip and have my underwear drawer at my disposal. "Hey honey....can you get me some socks? They are in the left tit!" Secondly, the male pieces are NOT correct, and that truly bothers me. I'd like to have a place to hang my fine gold chains, maybe a hat stand, a ring holder, etc. Likewise, the female, if done correctly, could provide a secret storage space for fine jewels, etc.

Anatomically correct or not, they are incredibly beautiful. I'm just saying a dick wouldn't hurt.

PS: is it me, or did Rolfe model the lady parts on Madonna, circa 1979? I'd recognize those appendages anywhere.

Nobody wants another pair of scratchy wool socks or, God forbid, a Snuggie for Christmas. Give the gift of good taste to someone you love instead. Artisan’s cookbooks and lifestyle tomes tend to inspire conflict: They’re so beautifully designed you want to keep them pristine forever, but so useful you want to crack them open on a daily basis. The high-end division of Workman Publishing, Artisan collaborates with the world’s best chefs – not to mention top-notch photographers and designers – to create cookbooks that frequently win top honors from James Beard. Equally covetable are Artisan’s sophisticated art and design books, which always stand out in the coffee-table crowd. It's not often that you have a chance to buy these snazzy high end tomes at such bargain basement prices, so get crackin'!


CLICK IT, DON'T LICK IT:

Gilt Group Sign up today. It's invitation only, no gatecrashers allowed. Each sale runs for 36 hours with discounts of up to 70% off retail. If you choose overnight shipping and order by 2 pm today, Gilt guarantees that your gift will arrive before Christmas.

Please welcome our latest columnist to The Rural Modernist team: Carol VanderKloot of cvk ink. This childhood chum of mine specializes in media relations and communications for the design community, so she will surely be sharing scoops and insider information long before you read about it anywhere else. As Señora Jaffre would say (we had the same Spanish teacher in middle school), "¡Bienvenidos!"

In the spirit of my attempting to be thrifty, practical, responsible gifts that are surefire THRILLGIVERS... with a hint of luxury and a touch of edginess... I covet the following this holiday:

1. LIGHT UP A ROOM

TBT RIBBON LAMP by ECCO Design Sleek and stylish, the mod lighting device is well suited for reading, working or ambiancing and can bend up or down. And, despite its great looks, the TBT Ribbon Lamp by ECCO Design is eco-friendly to boot with an innovative CCFL (cold cathode fluorescent light) bulb that lasts up to 15,000 hours that can change color temperatures and be dimmed to suit the mood or task. $148 (US)

2. BILLOWING OVER

SYLVIE PILLOWS Charming, whimsical and meticulously made, Sylvie Pillows are anything but cute. Hand made creations combine vintage and limited edition textiles that emulate tasteful 70s vintage wallcovering in colorfast cotton. Perfect for the boudoir or even, gasp, the naugahyde couch or to gift to any tricky wicket! $40-$75

3. MODERN, MINIMAL, MASTERFUL

UNIFORM WARES One can never have enough watches and I'm always in search of the perfect least embellished, modernist wrist option. And here's one that does little more than LOOK great and the Pantone-inspired colors make them the perfect CHOICE for the snittiest of design and architectural snobs. $141

4. DRUNK WITH LOVE

LIVING WITH WINE Wine cellars, bottles of Lafite, tasting rooms and thermo-controlled environments. Sound familiar? If not, no worries, just glance thru Samantha Nestor's recently published tome, LIVING WITH WINE. The book transports us into the private world of wine collectors showing how they store, enjoy and share their prized Bacchus collections. So Napa, Tuscany, Burgundy be damned, save some dough and feel like you've spent a million without leaving the homestead. $75

5. GOING TO THE DOGS...

When all else fails, do the right thing. Want to open your home to a pet in need of love and care, why not adopt a dog or cat through the angelic rescue group, Posh Pets Rescue. Lovely Linda will match you and your temperament to the perfect pet. And, if you can't adopt a pet, she's in need of fosterers to help make pets more social and more adoptable. And, if you can't do either of the above, then please, please opt to make a tax deductible gift to this small but mighty group. No excuses, now, sit and stay!

6. CHIC-y CHEEK

Pristine, bejeweled and dazzling, Orange Howell holiday ornaments evoke memories of Christmases past. Hand crafted and inspired by traditional Americana, these modernist silver pieces are adorned with colorful Swarovski crystals. Plus, each ornament comes boxed in a well chosen orange box and nestled in a flannel sleeve to insure longevity for future generations. $25-$75

7. BLAST from the PAST

Ok..we all have our favorite holiday special that we KNOW word for word that feature bewitching claymation characters. But how about a Rankin Bass movie that you haven't seen? We're going a little off track holiday wise, but I'm in love with 1968's MAD MONSTER PARTY and I bet that you will be too. Boris Karloff and Phyllis Diller star with a cast of creepies that is completed by a groovy soundtrack and coolio and art direction.

8. SNORESVILLE

On your next transatlantic flight, why not snooze in style with a divine Mary Green sleeping mask. I'm particularly partial to this bear model. And, only two bits for this chuckler!

OK...dollar bills be damned...onto our luxury component of the show...

9. USELESS OBJECTS OF BEAUTY

I'm generally NOT a fan of heavy leaded crystal--especially those dreaded items that function only as vessels to collect dust. However, Jaime Hayon's creations for Baccarat elevate crystal refineries to new levels never thought possible. I'm not even going to quote prices, but run, look, and gasp at these heavenly whatnots.

10. PIECE de RESISTANCE

Ok... I leave the best for last and list what, realistically, can not be attained. Robert Isabell, floral and event designer extraordinaire, left behind a legacy of items that are being auctioned off. The NY Times gave a glimpse into this exquisitely curated world that that only legends can create. The spaces go to great lengths in combining modern classics such as Prouve and Perriand with burgeoning soon-to-be coveted Paul Evans with with others. Ok, topping my list for sure is the utterly divine Minetta Lane townhouse--but, since I'm pushing simplicity this year, how about this simple Bertoia sculpture, estimated at 30-50k.

Browse The Collection of Robert Isabell at www.sothebys.com Auction, December 17

I'm digging these Thermos Lamps by Ted Harris. If you're in Chicago, go buy them at Scout (one of my favorite home stores in the Windy City) and tell them that The Rural Modernist sent you.