Please welcome our latest columnist to The Rural Modernist team: Carol VanderKloot of cvk ink. This childhood chum of mine specializes in media relations and communications for the design community, so she will surely be sharing scoops and insider information long before you read about it anywhere else. As Señora Jaffre would say (we had the same Spanish teacher in middle school), "¡Bienvenidos!"

In the spirit of my attempting to be thrifty, practical, responsible gifts that are surefire THRILLGIVERS... with a hint of luxury and a touch of edginess... I covet the following this holiday:

1. LIGHT UP A ROOM

TBT RIBBON LAMP by ECCO Design Sleek and stylish, the mod lighting device is well suited for reading, working or ambiancing and can bend up or down. And, despite its great looks, the TBT Ribbon Lamp by ECCO Design is eco-friendly to boot with an innovative CCFL (cold cathode fluorescent light) bulb that lasts up to 15,000 hours that can change color temperatures and be dimmed to suit the mood or task. $148 (US)

2. BILLOWING OVER

SYLVIE PILLOWS Charming, whimsical and meticulously made, Sylvie Pillows are anything but cute. Hand made creations combine vintage and limited edition textiles that emulate tasteful 70s vintage wallcovering in colorfast cotton. Perfect for the boudoir or even, gasp, the naugahyde couch or to gift to any tricky wicket! $40-$75

3. MODERN, MINIMAL, MASTERFUL

UNIFORM WARES One can never have enough watches and I'm always in search of the perfect least embellished, modernist wrist option. And here's one that does little more than LOOK great and the Pantone-inspired colors make them the perfect CHOICE for the snittiest of design and architectural snobs. $141

4. DRUNK WITH LOVE

LIVING WITH WINE Wine cellars, bottles of Lafite, tasting rooms and thermo-controlled environments. Sound familiar? If not, no worries, just glance thru Samantha Nestor's recently published tome, LIVING WITH WINE. The book transports us into the private world of wine collectors showing how they store, enjoy and share their prized Bacchus collections. So Napa, Tuscany, Burgundy be damned, save some dough and feel like you've spent a million without leaving the homestead. $75

5. GOING TO THE DOGS...

When all else fails, do the right thing. Want to open your home to a pet in need of love and care, why not adopt a dog or cat through the angelic rescue group, Posh Pets Rescue. Lovely Linda will match you and your temperament to the perfect pet. And, if you can't adopt a pet, she's in need of fosterers to help make pets more social and more adoptable. And, if you can't do either of the above, then please, please opt to make a tax deductible gift to this small but mighty group. No excuses, now, sit and stay!

6. CHIC-y CHEEK

Pristine, bejeweled and dazzling, Orange Howell holiday ornaments evoke memories of Christmases past. Hand crafted and inspired by traditional Americana, these modernist silver pieces are adorned with colorful Swarovski crystals. Plus, each ornament comes boxed in a well chosen orange box and nestled in a flannel sleeve to insure longevity for future generations. $25-$75

7. BLAST from the PAST

Ok..we all have our favorite holiday special that we KNOW word for word that feature bewitching claymation characters. But how about a Rankin Bass movie that you haven't seen? We're going a little off track holiday wise, but I'm in love with 1968's MAD MONSTER PARTY and I bet that you will be too. Boris Karloff and Phyllis Diller star with a cast of creepies that is completed by a groovy soundtrack and coolio and art direction.

8. SNORESVILLE

On your next transatlantic flight, why not snooze in style with a divine Mary Green sleeping mask. I'm particularly partial to this bear model. And, only two bits for this chuckler!

OK...dollar bills be damned...onto our luxury component of the show...

9. USELESS OBJECTS OF BEAUTY

I'm generally NOT a fan of heavy leaded crystal--especially those dreaded items that function only as vessels to collect dust. However, Jaime Hayon's creations for Baccarat elevate crystal refineries to new levels never thought possible. I'm not even going to quote prices, but run, look, and gasp at these heavenly whatnots.

10. PIECE de RESISTANCE

Ok... I leave the best for last and list what, realistically, can not be attained. Robert Isabell, floral and event designer extraordinaire, left behind a legacy of items that are being auctioned off. The NY Times gave a glimpse into this exquisitely curated world that that only legends can create. The spaces go to great lengths in combining modern classics such as Prouve and Perriand with burgeoning soon-to-be coveted Paul Evans with with others. Ok, topping my list for sure is the utterly divine Minetta Lane townhouse--but, since I'm pushing simplicity this year, how about this simple Bertoia sculpture, estimated at 30-50k.

Browse The Collection of Robert Isabell at www.sothebys.com Auction, December 17

As editor in chief of The Rural Modernist, I sent out a directive to my crack staff (all two of them) to create a top ten list of things they would like for Christmas. Abbe's list positively vibrates with delectable goodies and Joe's list succeeds in putting the 'mo in modern. After much contemplation, meditation, and prayer, here's mine:

1. A Viola Park kitchen. It's like they took an inventory of my favorite colors, materials and proportions and created a line just for me. Unfortunately, there's absolutely nothing wrong with my current kitchen. Poo.

2. A Pamela Sunday Cumuloid sculpture. I'm gaga for Ms. Sunday's hand built ceramic sculptures inspired by nature and science. The hallmark of good art for me is when I not only want to own it, but caress and fondle it, too. This one, bathed in a delicious high gloss chocolate glaze, makes me weak at the knees and it would look great on my coffee table.

3. The 405 Chaise from Loll Designs. We finally added a deck to the house this year and a few of these graphic chaises made out of reclaimed milk jugs (960 jugs per chaise to be precise) are just what we need to lounge in style next summer.

4. Hans Wegner Circle Chair in black. I absolutely lerve the circular silhouette and hammock-y coziness of this chair. I need one my living room. Now.

5. Raimond Suspension Light from Moooi. It looks like a big spinning atom, and would compliment my Cumuloid perfectly.

6. Sculpture by Paul Evans. If money were no object, then this is the object I would spend it on.

7. Type Coasters from Veer. The graphic design nerd in me needs these laser-etched bamboo type coasters. Baskerville Semibold never looked better.

8. Woodchuck Heavy Duty Wood Hauler. Now that I live in The Catskills, this is the type of stuff that gets me excited. I just bought one of these and it's the bomb. Anyone with a fireplace or wood burning stove knows that lugging logs from the stack into the house is a huge freaking pain (in the lower back, to be specific). Now it's a pleasure.

9. Ectoplasm at the Beauty Salon by Scooter Laforge. I recently got turned on to Scooter's filthy/fun oevre via a disturbing/charming t-shirt of his that Joe was wearing. Of course this painting stands out as a favorite because of the subject matter: the classic scene in which Bugs Bunny pretends to be a beautician. "If an INteresting monster can't have an INteresting hairdo... Bobby pin, please."

10. My own Rural Modernist pottery studio/art gallery/greeting card emporium/pie shop. This is only my artist's conception, but if I can dream it I can do it. Susan Boyle told me so.

Ho, ho, ho….Who you calling a whore?

Merry fucking Xmas and Happy Hanukkah to my fellow Chosen People! ‘Tis the season for my Top 10 List of Stuff I really really really want this holiday, orders of Editorial Empress Jason. So here goes:

1. Another 14-inch All-Clad fry pan. Yes, I have one already and Jesus Fucking Christ, does it rattle and clang against the other beauties in the drawer but the bottom line is that cooking for a crowd is easier with a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiig pan and this one is the best. And, I’m having a latke party in a few weeks and with 2 of these bad girls on da stove, I will be in potato pancake heaven.

2. BIG JEWELRY. Enough said. Maybe this necklace from Kirna Zabete. Note to Jason: OK, it’s not food or a sex toy but dammit, I want it and it’s my list, right?

3. OXO mixing bowls with spout pours and weighted bottoms. Of course, my bottom is weighted too this time of year, but I used my last set to death and now am coveting another. Don’t underestimate a weighted bottom – keeps whatever you’ve got in the bowls from skittering all over the counter!

4. Why isn’t OXO blowing me? Another goodie…the OXO expandable colander. I have a huuuuuuuuuuge sink and none of the others are big enough. This one looks like it can satisfy even a size queen like me!

5. JimmyJane Form II. One of the cutest lil’ vibrators I’ve ever seen and super small for travel, because I am sure my girlfriend H. is taking me on a deluxe surprise vacation away from the kids and kitchen and I want to pack light…

6. Ina (horrible name – reminds of how we used to rhyme Orangina with “vagina” whenever we ordered it to see if we could make the waiter squirm, but then again, didn’t EVERYONE do that?) G-spot and clit action vibrator because, let’s face it, I am taking that deluxe surprise vacation myself, as someone has to stay home with the damn kids and the dog and with dual action like this, I won’t be bored!

7. Votivo teak candles. I love this scent. I love it in any room in the house, including the kitchen where you don’t want anything too overpowering. Not too pussy, not to masculine, just DELISH! And I’m almost out of my stash so I need to stock up.

8. Anything from Meduriworlddelights.com. And I mean, anything. I always get so excited when the NYTimes does its mail-order food article each year – the one where some lucky editor gets to send away for butter cookies from Ireland, etc. EVERY FUCKING YEAR, someone waxes poetic about the dried fruits from Meduri. So I want some, pronto! It all looks gorgeous and I will make the Jeweled Rice recipe that Martha Frankel gave me and everyone will go berserk.

9. Savory Baking, new cookbook. I’m more of a salty person, and the only thing that would make me happier is if they gave away an Ina with every copy!

10. Lucky Chocolates. Preferably, the salted caramel pecan Turtles that are obscenely huge and really meant to share but I usually find a way to snarf down a whole one and then wander around slightly nauseous all day. And owner Rae Stang just opened her new, larger shop in Saugerties, so stop by and tell her Abbe sent you because then I can really suck up to Rae and get lots of freebies. When my now-10-year-old son was a baby, his face would light up and he’d say “Chocits!” whenever he got a taste. Fucking adorable and flush with pleasure. That’s how I get about Lucky’s (especially the adorable part.)

So, Dearest Ones, enjoy enjoy enjoy! As Santa likes to say to the good little children, “Merry Christmas to all and you can get your silly neurotic asses back in the gym and toss the elastic waist pants after January 1^st."

I thought of this assignment as the adult design-addict's equivalent to searching through those phone-book thick catalogs when we were kids tin order to make our "wish list". You start by making an overwhelming list of things you would just love to have but would never buy for yourself. And, as it was when I was a kid, the list was long, greedy and exhausting.

But all of these things are not just "wants" - they are "needs". I need these to live the aesthetically pleasing life I was born to have. As a design professional, I certainly can't inspire people to make their own homes and environments beautiful and better if I can't have a space that inspires me! It's a justifiable business expense, I suppose.

After much deliberation, I have narrowed the list to these. Here are the 10 items that I simply MUST have from the world of modern home decor. No wrapping necessary.

1. The Zeta Fireplace. This is a gorgeous functional piece of art; a delicious marriage of leather, glass, bent plywood and stainless steel. This is an eco-friendly standalone, ventless fireplace that looks like it could be from the Jetsons' house, but truly would look better in mine. It comes in several colors of leather upholstery (I'd like the white, please!). Get yours (and mine) at Ecosmartfire, for around $10,000.

2. Boats. This collection of 33 "boats" is really a multi-piece sculpture made from reclaimed and recycled wooden bowls that have been shaped into a fleet fit for your walls. Vertical, horizontal - whatever! Available at Mixture Home; $2,000 for the set.

3. Luxury in Lavender. My favorite wallpaper designers - Flavor Paper - have outdone themselves with this modern take on 70s foil papers. It's called luxury for a reason - there are graphic depictions of diamonds, private planes, glamorous cars, etc, all wrapped in a creamy melange of purply ribbons with a hint of gold. This paper begs to be on a large wall in an otherwise stark white room, and appreciated up close. Available in other colors, but since it;s what I want, i want this color! $150-$350 per roll, here.

4. Loyal Loot's Log Bowls. Oh dear G*d, I want every size and every color! These bowls, in various sizes and shapes, are made from actual logs that have been filled with glossy, gorgeous color. Texture, color and function? I'm wet! Prices run from $90 to $238 at Storefront and Studio.

5. Smarties Rug. J'adore this rug! A white rug covered in fluffy dots of color - just like that tasteless candy that came on receipt paper!!! It's colorful, yet it's neutral. It goes with everything. It's sooo soft and delicious, it's high quality and it's simply a must have for any floor in almost any room. From $550 to $3850 based on size, at Floor Section.

6. Bourgie Lamp. For full disclosure, I already have this lamp, in crystal clear. However, since it is one of my favorite possessions, I MUST have the newest color in this stunning lamp line from Kartell. This is an opaque white with a glossy gold interior on the lampshade! Glam!!! How fan-fucking-tastic would that be with the above #3 wallpaper???? $460 for this color combo, less for others in the line. From Lumens.

7. Grasshopper Chair. This is a limited edition re-release of a 1967 chaise that became a design favorite. It's covered in white canvas over a chrome frame, and the cushions are white leather. And yes, I see it in front of the wallpapered wall, with the lamp nearby. I just do. Price available on request, from Suite NY.

8. Barcelona Wall Mount Bench. This is a bent maple wood bench that would look amazing mounted in a wall in an entryway - especially an apartment entry or a narrow hallway. Or in a small kitchen with a table. Or in a dressing area. Or in a bathroom. Or, .... well, you get the point. Limitless possibilities. It is also an eco-friendly piece! $1,975 at Vivavi.

9. Vitsoe Wall System. I love options. And this is THE ultimate in limitless options. The Vitsoe Universal Shelving System is the answer to any shelf need you could possibly have, now or in the future. It's infinitely flexible for your current needs, can be reconfigured if your needs change, and can be taken with you if you move to a new place. Doors, drawers, desktops, etc. Mix and match. Priced by configuration, exclusively through Moss.

10. TV Easel. Oh how I need this! The TV Easel by Alex Bjurstrom is such a great idea that you wonder what the hell took so long! The design mimics the traditional painter's easel in form and function - it is adjustable in both height and angle. It also will display TVs up to 47". It's a great solution for renters who can't burrow into the walls to bury wires, or for those that don't like clunky furniture to put your TV upon. Through the designer's site only as of now.